The UO is interested in learning more about you. Write an essay that shares information that we cannot find elsewhere on your application. Any topic you choose is welcome. Some ideas you might consider include your future ambitions and goals, a special talent or unusual interest that sets you apart from your peers, or a significant experience that influenced your life. (University of Oregon)
“Aloha”, in the Hawaiian language, means affection, peace, compassion, and mercy. It’s this “Spirit of Aloha” that us people form Hawaii have developed and live by each day.
Free of artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, or additives, at the age of 3, the Good Lord almost saved me from this unfortunately toxic and complicated world. I was stricken with a condition known as lymphangyonma. Fortunately, doctors at our local hospital were able to treat me so that I can live to share my “Special" gift to the world. This gift is known as the “Spirit of Aloha”.
Aloha is being a part of all, and all being a part of me. When there is pain, it is my pain. When there is joy, it is also mine. I respect all that is part of the Creator, and part of me. I will not willfully harm anyone or anything; and i truly believe that the earth, sky, and sea are mine to care for, to cherish, and protect.
I have broken down my existence to who, what,where,when and why. “Aloha” has answers to these: Who- as being you and I, What- is the conscious creation of my reality, When- is now- the present moment that exists between the past and future, Where- is nature, and Why- is because we are here on Earth to cherish, protect and take care of this being we live upon.
Marcus Martiota, Bronson Yim, Deforest Buckner, Isaac Ara, and Koa Ka’ai are islanders who share this same “Spirit” and attend your University. I have a lot to share, and am wiling to expand my knowledge. It would be an honor and privilege, if you’d accept me into this fine University. I’m hoping to become a Duck with spirit.
You're essay is good but you should put in what lymphangyonma means because I don't know and it would be helpful to know :p You're aloha spirit is strong, but add in how you give back with that spirit
ReplyDeleteI really liked your essay it really showed who you are. The only thing I think you should explain more about what you went through so we understand and feel what you felt. Ya okay that's all. :)
ReplyDeleteEmree I really enjoyed your essay. I like the story you have to share. Like misha said you should put what lymphangyonma is because the reader might want to know how serious it is. And we want to know how it can effect your life. But overall your essay was good
ReplyDeleteAS(2-) YOUR IDEAS ARE KIND OF ALL OVER THE PLACE, YOU LITERALLY ANSWERED WHAT THE PROMPT ASKED FROM BEGINNING TO END BUT YOU DID NOTHING TO MAKE SURE IT ALL CONNECTED AND FLOWED SMOOTHLY. REMEMBER THE PROMPT IS JUST ASKING YOU TO WRITE ABOUT YOU THAT THEY COULD NEVER PULL UP ON YOUR TRANSCRIPT, THE IDEAS THEY SUGGESTED ARE SUGGESTIONS YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW EACH ONE. CHOOSE ONE TOPIC AND WRITE ABOUT IT, AND WRITE PASSIONATELY.
ReplyDelete